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Wednesday, March 21, 2007


Gatlinburg

Johnny Cash went there and beat the crap out of his dad for naming him Sue. That, my friends, is where the awesomeness of Gatlinburg stops. When I first moved to the ass-end of space I thought "Gee, Captain John, Gatlinburg is pretty cool. Lots of cheesy goodness". Cheesy goodness indeed. Velvet portraits of Jeezus, Elvis trinkets that would make Liberace happy, and horrible country music. That is the Holy Trinity of Gatlinburg my friends. I can enjoy Gatlinburg only with friends these days, but when it's the wife and me, no way. My dream would be have some of my friends and wander around the capital of the white-trash dream vacation drunk. I know in my heart that will never happen and I cry a little.

One piece of advice though, parking is a bitch in this town. Stupidly expensive parking. My solution to the assholishly high parking situation? Park at Christus Gardens, home of the "Christian Museum of Jesus's Death" or whatever. Those nice Christians do not seem to care if I park my car there all day. For free. Now that's true Christian giving there.